Home Page Dog News Biped Report Links

Laser - Rochester Canine

Latest Dog News. See also 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001, 2000, and 1999 Dog News.
and - Laser's 1040-K9, Canine Competency, Dog Advice, Dog Impeachment, Dog Park Dogs, Laser's PDA, and Saline Dog Park.

Laser T. Dog Laser T. Dog stretches out on his
K-Mart Luxury Dog Bed.

Laser T. Dog was adopted from the Columbus Area Humane Society on August 29, 1998. He was 4 months old. That was about when this web site started. This page is based on the old "1998 Dog News" page.

Anne liked Laser because of his 'big dog' personality. She was initially worried that the dog wasn't lively enough. We were told the dog would end up at about 35 lbs, and that he was a Lab mix. That sounded good, so we signed the papers and left the dog behind for shots and operations.

When Laser was taken home from the kennels a few days later, he was completely manic. Anne was reassured that the dog was normal, but Martin suspected the dog had been sedated to encourage his adoption.

The dog's description as a "Lab mix" also seemed chosen to encourage adoption. It's hard to tell which part of him is labrador, maybe the end of his tail. Which dog would you adopt: a puppy energetically leaping around its cage and described as a "Botswanan Boundyhound", or the same puppy quietly curled up in a corner and described as a "Lab mix" ?

It turned out, surprisingly, that Laser's big dog personality was due to him being a big dog. He is now 55 lbs and table-top clearing height. His most distinctive feature is outright, ground-scorching speed. He loves to go to the park and run couch-potato labs into panting piles of jelly.

[2004 update] Laser is now 75 lbs, and gets run into a panting pile of jelly by retired greyhounds at the local park. His speed can no longer truly be described as ground scorching, more of a fast trot at best.

During the fast years, we used to think that Laser was a greyhound mix. In the early Ann Arbor years, Rhodesian Ridgeback was often suggested. This may be due to the number of those dogs in the Ann Arbor area. Laser is almost certainly some kind of hound mix.

Laser also shows signs of the following:

Someone once said he looked like a Hungarian vichyssoise

Bothering the dog during his nap

Laser is semi-trained. He will sit, if there might be something in it for him. He is a graduate of Puppy Socialization class, but was not top of the class. You could almost hear "I obey, I obey" as Golden Retrievers followed every instruction to the letter.

Laser became a Higher Canine Officer after an excellent Competency Framework Analysis. His last Performance and Development Agreement (PDA) was also excellent.

These are some of our dog-related acronyms and jargon:

Laser's mission statement is: To become a world leader in proactive, synergistic, team-oriented interaction with bipeds; to use electronic media to encourage international inter-mammalian understanding; and to go on lots of walks.

Laser has saved us from attack by many paper towels, by vigorously shredding them into component molecules.

Laser filed his 2001 income tax return on form 1040-K9

Anne discovered the Principle of Conservation of Wag (Anne's Laws). There are two known manifestations

Both of these effects are due to conservation of wag.

The second law breaks down if more than a third of the tail is prevented from wagging. This may be dog dependent.

Laser dog
Anne also gave the dog a tail number, like an airplane. Laser is, of course, Dog 1-A. You can say things like:

Laser has also inspired canine carols such as The Twelve Dogs of Christmas.

Laser sits Laser calls for dog treats to be tax deductible.
Laser admits that he has chewed slippers, but it was youthful indiscretion. Laser pontificates

Laser Dog

See also Dog Impeachment, Laser's 1040-K9, Canine Competency, and Laser's PDA.

Return to Home Page.