IKAUDER - Furniture and Beyond !

IKAUDER is a world leader in self-assembly particle board (chipboard) furniture and other items of remarkable quality (not necessarily high). Consumer demand fluctuations mean we have to clear out the following products:

WURBLY

Stylishly unstable chair - available in extremely dark gray, total photon absorption, zero albedo, or black.

LURCH

Dining table with beautiful surface coated with 100% Woodite tm. (Woodite is a trademark of Ikauder in connection with ugly plastic films)

CHIPBOARD PALACE

Manufactured housing doesn't have to mean a trailer. Order this 3000 sq. foot house, assembled to order on your lot. Make a statement to the world - "I'm pretentious but tasteless". Comes with Marblitetm pillars, lions, and over 200 eaves.

WOFFER

Amazing particle board dog on castors can be towed around neighborhood streets to impress your friends.

WOFFER - X

Cellulistic neuron technology and self-assembling smart biomaterials combine with wood chips and epoxy to form the first ever metabolizing, fully sentient particle board dog. The boxy-but-caninetm shape will go well with your Volvo wagon.

Eats recycled newspapers and sawdust, also requires 9V battery. Top speed 1 (one) mph. Personality is tuned from docile lab through scrappy beagle to annoying little rat using supplied Allen key. Brain comes pre-assembled, significantly reducing total assembly time.

VROOM

Make a statement at the mall with the world's only 100% wood product sports car. Revolutionary square cross-section cylinders and pistons are made from specially hardened particle board pieces. Warning - violates every applicable transport regulation.

WHURR

Dubious engine technology used in VROOM adapts well to this remarkable helicopter. Devoid of ugly curved surfaces associated with conventional machines. Requires additional helium balloon for actual lifting from ground.

PING

Your friends won't believe you own a nuclear-powered particle board submarine. Control reactor rate with graphite-containing sticks. Water repelled by triple layer Wooditetm film.

EEK

Endless entertainment with this ground-to-squirrel missile system. Particle board pellets are fired at high velocity using explosive sawdust/air mixture.


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