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Laser Dog News 1999

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December 31 - On encountering the mini-beagle and micro-beagle at our friends' house, Laser became very excited and ran around dementedly. It took him several minutes to calm down - about 320 minutes. The headache was on its way before midnight arrived.

Bothered by beagles
File photo - Niklas News Service

December 25 - Anne bought Laser a Christmas present, a canvas dog bowl to take on walks. She wrapped it up and threw it on the floor, and Laser shook it open.

December 24 - With ice on the ground, Laser tries to keep one paw warm by limping along on the other three.

November 24 - Laser taken to Dog Jail again. He was trembling just before he was led off to the cells - obviously he is capable of laying a severe guilt trip on us. The wagging tail as he was led away undermined his case.

November 11 - chased around the park by a growling Alsatian, Laser had to switch from impulse power to warp speed.

November 7 - on a warm, sunny afternoon, we spent some time at the park, rather than raking leaves or mowing grass. The dog was happy, but the neighbors are threatening to heave a sack of "Weed and Feed" through the window if we don't spend more time on lawn care. It's a strange Midwestern thing.

October 13 - a wet, muddy evening. I put on a pair of clean pants for dinner, soon adorned with decorative paw prints.

August 26 - Laser starts demanding extra dog food, in order to bulk himself up and bully other dogs at the park

August 16 - Laser sprung from the nearby kennels, but he has chewed a bald spot on his tail from boredom.

July 27 - Laser T. Dog announces his intention to run for president. A key element of his campaign is that he has been neutered.

Laser sits
Laser calls for dog treats to be tax deductable

Laser admits that he has chewed slippers, but it was youthful indiscretion. Laser pontificates

July 23 - Laser discovered lying on the couch, looking completely at home and innocent.

July 20 - Consensus builds on the identity of Laser's rear end. Random woman in the park, Martin's father, and washing machine delivery woman all agree: greyhound.

July 3 - Laser carried a plastic bottle of water over to his dog bed and chewed it open. He will neither confirm nor deny that his future autobiography will be called I Was A Canine Moron.

June 18 - we encounter a 6 inch long tortoise on the Battelle-Darby Creek dog trail. Laser leapt back in alarm and hid behind us. In the distance "Jingle Bells" was playing at a village fish fry

June 9 - on the way to lunch we see a dog similar to Laser in another car. Someone identifies the breed as a Hungarian vichyssoise.

May 22 - Martin's parents encounter dog for first time, in hyper-bounce mode of course (the dog, that is).

April 24 - tried out the new dog trail at Battelle-Darby creek.

April 15 - Laser files his income tax return, form 1040-K9.

March 14 - Laser visits South Bend, Ind. He doesn't get along with canine in-law (?) Bonnie A. Dalmatian, We tried confining Laser in the basement, but the barking drove us insane. Then we tried confining Bonnie in the kitchen, but the whimpering drove us insane.

February 28 - major squelch along Highbanks dog trail.

February 27 - dog made incredible deflating noise, over 10 seconds long.

February 14 - Laser meets a very similar looking dog on a walk round Antrim Lake, described by the owners as a beagle/ boxer mix. They make these descriptions up! There was also an enthusiastically wet black lab - only woollie dogs don't go swimming in mid-winter.

February 13, 1999 : Laser crawls under the fence. After several minutes of mouthing each other, the neighbor's very fuzzy dog becomes covered with dog slobber icicles.

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